Tuesday, December 7, 2010

curves ahead (unfortunately)

I was hesitant to upload the photos of myself earlier today wearing that blue polka dotted dress, because I just felt like I looked (there's no nice way to put this) so trampy in it. Having curves can be a great thing.. sometimes. But honestly, as far as attire goes, sexy lingerie is just about the only thing I can think of where curves help you out. In most other categories, it's an epic fail.

Take for example, the trapeze dress. If you're not curvy, you look like Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby, pre-devil child. If you're curvy, you look like you're 9 months into carrying Satan's spawn.

How about cute girly dresses -- particularly ones with cute little collars, frilly sleeves or gingham. On someone who isn't blessed with hips the size of Mt. Everest, this style comes off as sweet and adorable. On me, I look like I'm sending submission photos for plus-sized playmate of the month.

What about pencil skirts? On the non-curvy girl, this is a very suitable choice of clothing for the office. You'd look sophisticated and professional. On Miss 40-28-40, you look more like Joan from Mad Men, and I think you know what I mean. We can't pull off the pencil skirt without looking like we not-so-secretly want to bed our boss.

And then there's the spaghetti-strap, my offense that sparked this post. It's a delightful, dainty detail that looks summery & peachy keen on a girl who isn't curvy. But add a set of DD's and it looks like those little dainty straps are doing everything they can to keep you from bursting out of your dress.

All in all, this makes getting dressed each day kind of hard, at least for me. If I don't look like a late night call girl, then I look like I'm with-child. I want to join in the fight against sloppiness, pj's at the grocery store and track suits at the bank ... but when your figure doesn't seem to look presentable or respectable in normal clothing, sweatpants start to look very appealing.


UPDATE -- I just want to clarify a few things -- I'm very happy with my body, and my self-image -- this isn't about me wanting to be skinny or thinking I'm fat. This is merely about wanting to be able to wear certain fashions that wouldn't look flattering on my shape. I *know* that there are clothes that flatter curvy bodies, I'm just saying that sometimes I'm watching Rosemary's Baby and I'd do anything to be able to wear her wardrobe without looking like I have a basketball for a stomach. It's almost like how I can crave meat even though I'm a vegetarian. I know that I can't eat it, but I desire to sometimes. I still eat my fake chicken and tofu, but look on enviously at the turkey platter on the table. Sometimes you just want what you can't have, and for me that is trapeze dresses and cute girly outfits.

Being curvy is a great thing -- and if you are curvy, you should be proud! I did not mean to say otherwise. Everyone should be happy with their bodies! My only point was that certain fashions just aren't made for hourglass girls, and when I love said fashions, that makes me sad.