Saturday, May 30, 2020

posh frock friday

During quarantine I've seen so many people say that they are wearing sweatpants or pajamas because they have nowhere to go and it's weird because "having nowhere to go" has kind of been my whole life for the last 15 years. I've been working from home since I was 17, and I don't really have much of a social life. (Okay I don't have ANY social life. I might as well be honest here lol!)

Taking outfit pictures has been a fun way to document my outfits even when the only person seeing them in person is my cat. I definitely could have spent most of my life in pajamas, but I haven't for a few reasons. First of all, I feel way way way less productive in pajamas. When I get dressed in the morning I feel like it's "time to work" and I get way more done. If I stay in pajamas it's just way too easy to crawl back into bed - especially easy when my office is just about fifteen paces away from my bedroom. I also just really enjoy clothes. I haven't wasted away my income on dresses so they can sit in my closet. I love wearing them, so I wear them! And lastly, this might be crazy but I feel like I don't appreciate how comfortable pajamas are unless I've been wearing real clothes all day. I love that moment before bedtime when I put on fresh jammies, and I don't think I'd enjoy it as much if I was just changing from one pair of pajamas into another lol!

Also honestly getting dressed has helped me feel like I have *some* control over something during Everything That's Going On. When I got really sick in 2017-2018 I lived in pajamas for a few months until I started to recover, and one of the things I was most looking forward to was wearing my pretty clothes again. It made me feel like my life was kind of normal again when I was finally able to ditch the elastic waistbands for fancy frocks. Every day that I get dressed and glide a thick black line across my eyelid, I've done something normal and executed a little bit of control over my life. It's such a small thing but honestly it makes a huge difference to me.

Wednesday, May 27, 2020

oh hi

March was the tenth anniversary of this blog, and the tenth anniversary of my first outfit post is rapidly approaching, on July 25th. And I've been thinking about Scathingly Brilliant an awful lot because of those two anniversaries.

Since my last post in December I cannot count how many times I thought "what was that recipe?" or "when did I go on that vacation?" or "what was Arrietty like when I first brought her home?" or "what did my bedroom look like in 2011?" and I hopped over to this blog, typed a keyword in the search bar, and boom! My own little search engine for the last ten years of my life.

During all this reminiscing I also happened upon this David Bowie video on youtube, and this quote has been ringing in my mind ever since, "Always remember that the reason you initially started working was that there was something inside yourself that you felt that if you could manifest it in some way you would understand more about yourself and how you coexist with the rest of society."

When I stopped blogging in December it was admittedly because I felt like nobody really read my blog anymore. If you know me, you know that my ego is as fragile as a broken eggshell and I avoid seeing things like follower counts, page views, likes, retweets, etc. like my life depends on it. I have somehow managed to totally avoid seeing how many instagram followers I have since 2018. Is there something pathologically wrong with the fact that I bought an ipod in order to login to my second instagram account so that I don't have to switch accounts within the app and see my follower counts? Definitely. I'm seeing a therapist, okay, lol. But the ignorance keeps me going. I hate this about myself so much, and I'm working on it, but that's just how I am.

Anyway so this is where the David Bowie quote comes in. In December I accidentally clicked on a page that showed me my dwindling blog stats, something I had managed to evade for a very long time, and I stopped blogging here. But that's not why I started! I'm such a dummy! 

In my second blog post here, on March 22, 2010, I wrote about my favorite songs. I was 23 years old and my favorite song was Lara's Theme from Doctor Zhivago. I was also obsessed with the Frank Sinatra song "Take Me" which I don't think I've listened to in at least 9 years. I'm listening to it right now and it's like a time machine to being 23 again.

How will I feel if ten years from now I want to know what my favorite song was (Dustland Fairytale by The Killers) or see what my room looked like in 2020? If I want to know my go-to recipe for smoothie bowls or to know what crazy new career I was interested in, but would predictably never follow through on. How would I remember what year I was obsessed with Seinfeld (2020) or what year I trademarked my own name (also 2020!) How would I know what month I learned to do my own acrylic nails (March 2020) and what month I completely gave up and took them off (May 2020.) Ten years from now how will I know how well I coped when my actual worst nightmare of a global outbreak came true (spoiler: not well.) I like having this record of my life - the ups and the downs, the pixies and the pink dos, the anxiety and jubilation and everything in between - and I don't want to totally abandon this little search engine.

So anyway.. I'm going to blog here now and then, mostly for me, but if anyone out there happens to be tagging along, it's for you too 💕

Friday, December 6, 2019

outfit posts

Hi there! I just wanted to pop in and let you know that I'm still doing outfit posts but they'll be over on my patreon now (they're set to public so you can view them even if you're not a supporter. Don't worry, it's FREEEEE!!!) It's just easier for me to post things in one spot and my traffic on this blog indicates that this is really not the spot I should be posting things anymore, lol! I think when I took a blogging hiatus in 2014 my blog kind of drifted off into some blogging abyss where even if you return and blog daily (or, lately, monthly) nobody knows.

ANYWAY. If anyone is out there (*if anyone is out there* echoes back at me) you can find my new posts over there.

Click here to view this particular outfit post and learn a bit about what's been going on in my life and my beautiful love story about this pretty dress. Hope to see you there!

Sunday, October 13, 2019

100% that witch

Hey, long time no see! I promised you guys that in my next outfit post I'd be wearing a dress I designed and I did not mean for it to take two months but HERE IT IS!! 💁🏼‍♀️

I've had quite a lot of setbacks in the life department and, more relevantly, in the "having a room to take outfit photos in" department. The shower upstairs sprung a leak and flooded my studio several weeks ago! My pretty pink rug was ruined, my ceiling is all brown and peeling and falling apart, and I can't use my light because the water was pouring down through the fixture. The sky was literally falling, LOL! As you can tell by the grey wall-to-wall carpet here, my room still isn't back to normal yet. I actually have a replacement pink rug ready to go as soon as the contractors finish working on my studio. But I figured I'd waited long enough to share some of these dresses with you guys, so grey carpet be darned, I'm posting them!

This particular dress was the culmination of years of searching for a Halloween dress that wasn't black, dark, or orange. I wanted something really cute and pastel but also Halloween-y, so I designed it myself! I think this one is going to get a lot of wear in the next couple weeks. I also paired it with a brooch that I made (Veronica Lake from I Married a Witch with "100% that witch" written in her hat. I HAD TO DO IT.) I have my laser cutting machine up and running and I'm having so much fun coming up with new designs for it!

Oh, and I'm back to pink hair! I'm in the process of trying out a new method for dying it so that it won't be like neon pink, something a little more subtle. This was step one and I have step two sitting on my head as I'm typing this! If it all works out I'll write a little post with details about what I did :)

Monday, September 23, 2019

out of the darkness

For the second year in a row,  I'm going to be participating in the Out of the Darkness walk for suicide prevention this weekend. I'm trying to raise money for my walk right here. Even if you can only donate $1, I would appreciate it SO much. This cause is so close to my heart, and it would just mean the world to me if anyone could spare just a dollar or so to support it.

Somebody close to me is a suicide survivor who struggles with depression. My loved one sought out help when they needed it, and even though they made it through I still panic over the thought of what could have happened, or what could still happen if those thoughts come back again. It's terrifying, absolutely terrifying to watch someone you love struggle with this, and even more terrifying to grapple with the very real possibility that you could lose them. I don't think I'm verbalizing my feelings very well here, it was just a very scary time for our family and it made me realize how important it is to bring awareness to this cause.

If you or a loved one are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please call the suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255. And if you think someone you love may be suicidal, talk to them. Here is a list of risk factors and warning signs.