the swimsuit dilemma

I've become very comfortable in my own skin over the last few years after feeling incredibly self conscious ever since I turned 13. I stopped wearing bathing suits about 10 years ago, and started wearing a t-shirt and jean capris instead, even in my own swimming pool. Every year I'd become delusional and order one or two bathing suits online, maybe try on a few at Target, and time after time I got incredibly -predictably- discouraged. I always run into two problems -- the tops are never supportive for me (I'm a 32DDD bra and even underwire "full-figure" bikini tops present a "cup runeth over" sort of issue) and despite my newfound confidence in my figure, I can't shake my insecurity over my bottom & thighs. They're my problem areas, if you will.

I try really hard to be body positive, but when it comes down to it, I'm just not comfortable in shorts unless I also have tights on. I'm not comfortable in dresses that hit above mid-thigh. And I'm not comfortable in regular bathing suit bottoms. And when I am in my pool or on the beach, I want to feel comfortable. I want to feel like I look good, and one-pieces, boy shorts and teeny swim skirts are never going to do that for me.

This year, determined to get out of my jeans-and-tshirt-rut, I decided to try buying some swimsuits again. I started with this one from asos. I bought the top in my bra size which ended up being WAY too small, then I sized up to a 32G and it was still too small, so I gave up. About a month passed and I decided to try again. I got this bikini top in my bra size. Too small again. I sized up to a 32F, STILL too small. Finally I tried a 32FF and it worked! This top has full coverage and plenty of support. I even tried dancing around to see how well it.. um.. contains things? Anyway, it's perfection.

In between all of the ordering and returning of bikini tops, I stumbled upon these swim shorts. They came with a drawstring that I removed, and they match the top perfectly! And best yet -- they are high waisted and stop right above my knees. They're fitted so they stay put in the water and don't ride up like swim skirts or board shorts (and don't way 400 pounds when wet, like blue jeans.)

I am so happy that I finally have a swimsuit that I like! Unlike the dozens of swimsuits I've tried on over the years, this one makes me feel happy and confident. I don't feel like I need to cover up with a towel the instant I'm out of the water. And honestly, even if I was 100% confident in my own skin and didn't have one shred of insecurity, I'd still want to wear this swimsuit. There's no law that swimsuits have to be as tiny as underwear, right? I actually like this look better than a regular bathing suit anyway. I think it suits me better and, dare I say, I think it's kinda chic! I told my mom I want to get a giant hat to wear with it and pretend I'm Grace Kelly.

You KNOW a swimsuit is making you feel good about yourself if you can pretend you're Grace Kelly when you're wearing it :)

bikini top - asos | swim shorts - coolibar | bag - modcloth