pitter patter go the raindrops

If I had known that New Jersey now has its own monsoon season, I would have taken some back-up outfit photos! gee whiz, it has not stopped raining here in days and I sort of forget what the sun looks like. I already feel a bit amateur doing indoor outfit posts to begin with, so I couldn't bring myself to post ones that were taken in pitch darkness with flash :p I also got some fantastic new flapper doodle products in the mail on Friday and haven't had a chance to photograph them for my shop since the weather has been so dreary. Mother nature always seems to plan these massive rainstorms for days when I desperately want to use my camera!

In other news, I went jeans shopping on Friday for the first time in about two years. I don't wear jeans very often, but I really felt like I needed a new pair since my olds ones were a bit loose. Turns out, I'm two sizes smaller now! :D Woo hoo! I haven't been this size since high school, about 8 years ago, so I'm over-the-moon with glee! I'm not on weight watchers anymore, but I think cutting back on grapefruit juice and drinking more water in its place has done me a world of good. I know it's fruit, but grapefruit juice still packs a load of calories when you're consuming about a bottle a day (eek!)

ps. I have a little interview up on The Girl with the Blue Bow today! Check it out here :-)

tobias would be proud

top - h&m

cut offs - old navy

tights - kmart

flats - target

locket - made by me

I found these jeans in the basement the other day and decided to make cut-off shorts out of them. I haven't really mentioned this here, but I've been on weight watchers since January 1st (obviously a new years resolution) and I was extremely excited to find that these jeans fit me -- they've been in storage for years in my "so tight it cuts of my circulation" box ;-)

On a day-to-day basis, I don't see any change.. I still think I look exactly the same when I look in the mirror now as I did in January. But it's little things like fitting in jeans two sizes too small, or being able to zip up a favorite dress without holding my breath, or even being confident enough to leave the house in shorts, that make me realize I'm making a dent! I still have a little bit to go before I'm at the recommended weight for people my height, but I'm really happy with my progress. Hope you don't mind me sharing! I was just so excited that I fit in these shorts, I couldn't keep it quiet anymore :)

ps! I gave Amber Rose's blog Laughing with Broken Eyes a little facelift yesterday if you want to take a peek! Even if you don't care about my web designing prowess (oh yes, prowess) you should pop over there anyway because she's such a sweetheart!


Do you want to comment, but have no idea what to say? Trust me, I've been there! So to make things a little easier, here is a question you can answer if you can't think of anything else to say! :)

Would you rather be able to fly, or be invisible?

to feel light

I had a dream last night that I was skinny again. I felt lighter, I moved easily and gracefully. I was conscious that I was dreaming and reveled in my lightness. I rummaged my closet for shorter skirts that I could wear without feeling self conscious. Moving, sitting and standing were weightless.

I miss being skinny. I miss it, not because of how I looked but because of how I felt. I miss feeling light and totally carefree. Not caring if fabric clung or bunched, or if skirts rode up past my knees. Paying no notice to my appearance because it didn't feel so constantly present.

Now, I'm always conscious of my body. Conscious of my weight. Of the louder sound that my feet make on the ground as I walk; of the tight feeling when my jeans cut into my stomach when I sit. I feel heavy, weighed down, more tired and less bouncy.

*

I've been walking now for a month, every single night I walk almost a mile. I eat healthy. I exercise. Yet I still see no difference. When I remember what if felt like when I was thin, I wonder if I'll ever feel like that again. I really miss the old me, and no matter how hard I try I don't think I'll ever be her again.