if only in my dreams



Before I got really sick last year I pre-took photos in my Christmas outfit. I knew I'd be too busy on Christmas to sneak in outfit photos; plus this way I could schedule the pictures to post on Christmas morning. I wasn't sure what to do with the pictures once it became increasingly clear I definitely was not going to get to spend Christmas in this dress. But I really liked how they came out, and in a way my diligent planning created this little alternate universe where I *did* spend Christmas in a fancy dress with perfect eyeliner and a flawlessly functioning body, lol.

And to be honest, these pictures actually reflect how happy I felt on Christmas this year. I kept bursting into happy tears over literally everything. I was SO happy to be home with my family. I didn't have the energy to open my presents myself, so my dad did it for me. I was in pajamas with messy hair, and no makeup. I felt run down and so incredibly sick, and I wasn't wearing my perfect Christmas dress with its perfect bell-sleeves. But it was the happiest Christmas I've ever had in my entire life.