stars and stripes

First of all, do you see how long my hair is?? It's finally reached a length where I'm not anxiously tracking the rate of growth each week. I can calm down and just live my life. In three months I'll have been growing out that darn pixie cut for two whole years and I feel like I've finally reached the point where it's not driving me crazy anymore. The last two years have been so weird and dramatic and scary that it seems silly that I've been so hung up on my hair throughout it all, but it's like every time I looked in the mirror I missed seeing *me* looking back. The lack of normalcy probably just made me feel more unstable about everything else going on in my life. Ugh this is all so cheesy and #firstworldproblems I shouldn't even be talking about my hair but it's a little thing that's mattered a lot to me and I'm glad I have more of it now.

Secondly, I wanted to devote a few sentences to this beauty of a dress. It reminds me so much of vintage Biba, maybe more of their branding than their actual dresses, but I just absolutely love it! It arrived right after I had listed things for my closet sale last week and I can tell it's one of those pieces that I just know I could never part with. There are some dresses in my wardrobe that have been with me through every closet sale for the last 9 years and I had the same feeling about all of them when I first got them. Some are really unique and special, like this one, and some are just really versatile like this one, but as long as those threads hold together they're mine, all mine.

dress - c/o Joanie | shoes - bait footwear

when life gives you lemons

Sorry again for the unexpected hiatus! Right after we got back from vacation my mom was hospitalized with pneumonia, someone close to me had a mental health crisis, my dad got sick, and Arrietty gave me a scare that turned out to be nothing, but frightened the wits out of me. My mom is doing a lot better now, but she had some complications that we're still not sure are okay (and the doctors are being weirdly cagey about discussing it?) I also got sick, probably since my body does not handle stress very well, and ended up with the worst case of bronchitis and asthma that I've had since I was little. I'm going on week 3 now and I still can't shake it completely. At least I can talk without coughing now, though, which I couldn't do for about two weeks.

But things are definitely looking up from where they started. My mom was home from the hospital in time for Easter, so we had a quiet dinner at home and I still cooked and decorated. I'll share some pictures from how it turned out later this week. We were all just so happy that my mom was able to come home that it was one of the best Easters we've ever had. And luckily I felt healthy enough this weekend to make it to the Montclair Film Festival where I saw Mindy Kaling's new movie, Late Night (with a Q&A, too!!) It was a total blast, and such a nice respite after a pretty trying couple of weeks. Oh, and this outfit is what I wore to the event. I wanted to pick my most Mindy-esque dress for the occasion!

I know most bloggers manage to keep it together and stick with their schedules when things go awry at home and a lot of people have things way worse than I do, but for me when things happen offline I just like to log off for a while and not worry about the internet. And inevitably, even when I'm away because of family crises, that time spent away from the computer always makes me want to cut back when I inevitably return. I don't know where I'm going with all this. I've been going back and forth the last week thinking maybe I want to cut back on my blog schedule or make less youtube videos -- especially since I'm planning, once again, on trying to go back to school and need to make room in my schedule for tests and homework -- but also there's the reality that even if I get my degree I'm years away from another career. I don't know. The internet is such a double-edged sword. Working from home allows me to spend all day with my cat, it allows me to set my own schedule and work in pajamas. But I'm constantly tethered to my computer. My income is painfully erratic, and as much as I love being creative, my body consistently hums with the frequency of humiliation and self doubt when the things I create do poorly online. These feelings are constant for me, but they always seem to snowball when life throws me curveballs, you know? Last month I seriously grappled with the possibility that I could lose three of the people that I love most in the entire world, and that hurt stirs up so much inside of you. I want life to mean more, I want to plan my time more wisely, I want to be 100% there for the people I love.

For now these thoughts are all so random and I'm still getting over being sick, I'm not making any rash decisions I'll regret at some point later on. I'm temporarily nixing my wishlist wednesday posts because they are way more time consuming than you might imagine and yet I don't think anyone really even looks at them, lol. I'll still be updating my wishlist on pinterest here though. And for the time being I'm pausing the youtube videos (I honestly don't have much of a voice right now to be able to do them, anyway, lol!) And this week I'm going over to my alma mater to release my transcripts so I can apply for a few online BA programs.

When I look back through my blog archives I have written SO MANY posts where I was like "I need to change! I want to pursue a different path in life and I'm doing it NOW!" and then I didn't change a darn thing. I hope so badly that I have some follow through this time and I don't look back at *this* post five years from now, shaking my head like "Kate you dumb cluck, what is the matter with you?!"

dress - asos | shoes - bait footwear | belt - from another dress

the happiest place on earth

If you watched my Packing for Disney World video you'll know that I was very torn between dressing up or just being lazy and wearing leggings (or maybe dressing up and changing into jeans or leggings each night?) I decided to pack enough clothes to decide once I was in Florida, and I ended up splitting it about half and half - I wore cute clothes three days and went super casual the other four. It was the best of both (Disney) worlds! Total, complete comfort a couple days and photo-worthy cuteness on the others! :D

dress - modcloth | ears - etsy

great big beautiful tomorrow

I'm back from Disney World! I enjoyed being there so much that it felt like my trip flew right by, but I also missed Arrietty so much that I felt like I was gone for 2 months. Isn't it weird how you can simultaneously feel like a substantial amount of time has passed, and that none has passed at all?

I really had a good time though, and I made so many wonderful memories. One of my favorites was on our last night in The Magic Kingdom when it started pouring rain, and me and my brother decided to buy ponchos and stay in the park while everyone else hurried out into the parking lot. There was no wait for any of the rides we went on, and the park was practically deserted! Even on our normal standing-room-only bus ride back to the hotel we were the only passengers!

I also had so much good food. Omg! The Epcot Flower and Garden festival was going on while I was there, and the Roasted Cauliflower that I tried at their honey stand was *chef's kiss.* I ate THREE of them!! And we had dinner at Tony's Town Square at Magic Kingdom where I got gnocchi with veggies and pesto and it was out of this world. They make the gnocchi on site and I don't want to be one of those people (or maybe I do..) but it was the best gnocchi I've tried outside of Italy.

All in all it was just a really beautiful vacation and totally worth the wicked sunburn that I'm suffering through this week (ouch!)

dress - modcloth (old) | cardigan - amazon | shoes - bait footwear

suburban serendipity

A few days ago I had to go to Old Navy to buy a pair of flip-flops for my Disney trip (last time I was at a hotel with a swimming pool I totally forgot about footwear and had to make the impossible choice between wearing very nice shoes to go to the pool, or walking out of my hotel room completely barefoot) and when I got out of the car there was music in the air. It's one of those standard American shopping centers with an Old Navy, a Kohl's, and a Red Robin. The kind where you have to get back in your car and drive from store to store because they're spaced so far apart (I'll save my "indoor shopping malls were so much better than this!!" rant for another day.)

I walked around a little to try to see where the music was coming from, and saw a man playing an accordion outside of a Modell's sporting goods store. One of the things that I love about cities is how many times you're treated to someone playing their music outdoors, but I hardly ever get to experience that kind of beautiful serendipity in suburbia. It was so lovely.

dress - modcloth | sweater - amazon

shoes - bait footwear

six seasons

Every once in a while I randomly pick a month in my blog archive and re-read some of my old posts. I've said this so many times, but my blog is kind of like a diary to me and there are so many memories that I've shared here that I haven't written down anywhere else. Tonight I clicked on May 2013 and realized that was when I went to The Office convention in Scranton (six years ago?? REALLY?) Reading this post was the most wonderful stroll down memory lane. I had forgotten some of the details, like Rainn Wilson giving Dwight's speech on stage or how surprised Greg Daniels was when I asked for a photo with him. I'm constantly in the middle of rewatching The Office, but reading my post and reliving that amazing weekend just makes me want to go back to episode 1 and start all over again for the thousandth time!

sweater - amazon | skirt - modcloth

shoes - bait footwear | shirt - sammi's closet sale

I scream, you scream

This weekend me and my dad went out for our first ice cream of the season (or sorbet, in my case) and it was just so nice! I love that every year there's always that one day, usually a week or two after the official start of spring, when it actually *feels* like spring for the first time. Like magic the weather changes overnight. You needed a winter coat to go out the day before, but today a light sweater or jacket would almost be too much. All of the trees were barren when you fell asleep, but suddenly there are pink buds everywhere you turn. People are coming out of their houses and walking around the town like bears coming out of hibernation. The fountain on the Princeton campus was turned on, and the line for ice cream was at least 25 people long.

I know that as soon as I see my first thousand-legger crawling above my bed frame or as soon as a giant wasp chases me away from my mailbox I'll start to bemoan the arrival of spring, but for now I want to hold onto this feeling and enjoy the change in the seasons. There is just something so beautiful and refreshing about the start of spring that I don't think I ever really appreciated until I got really sick last winter. Now I'm not taking it for granted, and I'm fully enjoying this annual renewal of life and beauty and sunshine.

dress - vintage | collar - amazon

shoes - karmaloop | belt - old

be kind, rewind

My old VCR bit the dust (a thrift store copy of E.T. is what finally did it in) and OH MY GOSH are VCRs expensive now. Do you remember when you could buy one at K-Mart for like $20?! (Am I really dating myself here??) I wish I had stocked up when they were that cheap, because their scarcity has made them insanely pricey now. I've been checking Amazon and Ebay every so often trying to find an affordable replacement, and last week I finally found somebody selling a 13" TV/VCR combo for a steal. Every other listing on ebay was *at least* 5x the price of the one I managed to snag so I feel incredibly lucky! It arrived in the mail yesterday and I christened it with a tape of Barbara Stanwyck movies that I recorded off TCM when I was a teenager. It's such a relief that I can still watch all of my tapes now, including all of our old home movies! My dad found one from our 1995 trip to Disney World and Nickelodeon Studios that I can't wait to watch!

dress - dangerfield | cardigan - amazon

shoes - bait footwear | necklace - vintage

bagel bites

Yesterday me and my brother had the first of what will hopefully be an annual "90s Day." I bought all of our favorite childhood snacks -- bagel bites, cosmic brownies, lunchables, yoohoo -- and we spent all day watching the movies and tv shows we loved to watch when we were little. We revisited three cartoons (ironically two are from the '80s but they got the most VCR action in our house in the mid '90s) The Brave Little Toaster, The Land Before Time, and Mulan. And then we also watched our two favorite disaster movies, Twister and Dante's Peak. And a couple episodes of The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (which, shockingly, has apparently never been released on DVD!)

Kyle claimed the couch and I got cozy on a giant pile of blankets and pillows stacked on the floor. We stayed off our cell phones all day, and our parents surprised us with chocolate Pop Tarts and Capri Sun! To quote Pooh, it was my favorite day. I think the only thing that made it better than the actual '90s is that we have cats now and Arrietty stayed cozy by my side the whole time.

There are so many books and movies about how sad it is when people lose touch with their inner child and I think that message really got to me when I was a kid. I've always been so scared of being "too grown up" and I actively try to keep my wonder, excitement, imagination, creativity, and enthusiasm. I know I probably skew too far in that direction and I make for a pretty pathetic "adult", but I wouldn't have it any other way.

dress - thredup | shirt - vintage

belt - amazon | shoes - bait footwear

taking chances

I wish I was more comfortable taking chances. I take them constantly, but I wish I felt confident or at least a little less stomach-churning-anxious about them. I don't even mean big chances. I mean all the little ones you take every day. Emailing someone and being unsure of their reply. Trying a new food. Taking scissors to your bangs for an impromptu trim. It all stirs up my anxieties and makes me uneasy.

All this to say.. I took a chance this month that I was so nervous about I almost threw up the day I did it. I feel like most people are going to stop reading when I say this but... I started a Patreon. Please stay for a second! I think the word "patreon" scares everyone off. But you don't have to support it, I just want to talk about what that experience has been like for me.

I honestly, truly, 100% did not expect to have one single patron. I'm not entirely sure why, but I have a very low opinion of my online self worth, and I don't really think anyone genuinely likes me or my work. I do get some sales in my shop here and there, and I do still get some blog traffic, but my brain always tricks me into thinking that I'm kind of washed up as a blogger and artist, and no one cares. Or that because my shop has been declining and my blog traffic has decreased, that has somehow erased *all* sales and *all* traffic, which isn't true. Anyway. I went into the Patreon assured that nobody would support it. But then some people did! By some magic miracle I have 26 patrons. I am flabbergasted.

If you are one of those 26 people who has thrown support my way this month, you literally have no idea, NO IDEA, what you have done for me. Although the patreon was really meant to help prop up my waning income, it's done more for my mental well being than I could put into words. I feel so supported and even though I'm not a hugger I just want to wrap all of you up in a big snuggly bear hug!! To know that there are people out there who like my work and want to support it and help me to keep doing what I'm doing... I just don't have the words. Thank you.

To anyone who is thinking about taking a chance like this - just do it. Even if it makes you want to throw up from anxiety. If I didn't take a chance and put myself out there, I'd never have known the warmth of support that I feel now. I think that I've taken less and less chances ever since my career started sliding because I get more and more afraid of what I assume will be certain failure. But maybe that's when we NEED to take more chances.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading. Like I said, you absolutely do not need to support my patreon. If you are reading this blog, I appreciate that so much! Views and IG likes and Twitter retweets, everything is a form of support. But, if you *do* want to support my patreon, you can click here. I've been sharing time lapses of my drawings, my one-second-a-day videos, sneak peeks at new products, a video of my trip to DC with my family, free printable art prints, and more. Plus all $5+ pledges will get a hand-written thank you note and a free sticker! I send out all pledge rewards on the first of each month so if you sign up after April 1st, the next mailing date will be May. Just saying ;)

shirt - forever 21 | skirt - asos | sweater - old navy

shoes - amazon | tie - flapper girl

happy... thursday?

When I was a kid me and my parents used to exchange letters every day (I'd leave one for them when I went to bed and I'd wake up to find a note waiting for me in the morning) and I just started scanning them. I'm making a hard drive filled with family photos and mementos for our safe deposit box just to be on the safe side - with so many stories of websites wiping out cloud storage, websites, photos, etc. I just want to make sure that somewhere I have all of my important photos and documents stored safely.

Anyway! I've been scanning the letters, and it has me feeling so nostalgic - even more so than normal, I should say - for so many things. A lot of them are unattainable now, like, say, reliving my childhood, lol. But some things can still be recaptured, like the act of exchanging notes to begin with. Last week I snuck a note under my parents' bedroom door while they were sleeping that said "Do you want to exchange letters?" With a box for each of them to check YES or NO. They both checked yes (obviously!) and now we have rekindled an old family tradition! If you have anyone in your life who might be open to doing this, I highly recommend it. Now I'm ending my days by sitting down with a pen and paper and writing something fun to people I love, smiling at the thought of them seeing it in the morning. And each day when I wake up there's a note waiting for me, the perfect way to start my day! Last night I left a silly little poem for my parents and I liked it so much I thought I'd share it with you, too --

Oh no! It's Monday
You know what that means
Good luck and good moods
In small smithereens

But today we'll outsmart it
And stay one step ahead
Instead of a Monday,
Let's have a Thursday instead!

dress - asos | sweater - amazon | collar - amazon

shoes - bait footwear | brooch - vintage

on brand

I didn't realize until I started typing up this post that I'm wearing my blog/website colors! lol! Orange and pink has slowly been taking over my bedroom too (well, mostly pink with some orange thrown in for good measure) I think it might be my favorite color combination at the moment.

I caught a cold or something last weekend that I'm trying to get over, but I'm going to attempt to record another video this afternoon anyway. I'll probably sound terrible with a stuffy nose and sore throat but I have this pattern of getting sick *every single time* I've decided to start recording videos on a regular basis, and I'm determined to power through it this time. I suspect my body might just be THAT anxious about being on camera that it's sabotaging my plans, but I'm not going to let it win this time. (Sidenote - does anyone else talk about their body like it's a separate entity? Maybe I should save that for another blog post or video, ha!)

dress - asos | cardigan - amazon

collar - amazon | shoes - bait footwear

I'm Irish but don't kiss me

Growing up, me and my brother always thought we were mostly Irish and Russian. It wasn't until my mom got really into genealogy and tracing our family tree several years ago that things started shifting.. now it seems like we're mostly British and Welsh on my mom's side, with an ever dwindling percentage of Irish (still almost entirely Russian on my dad's side, although Eastern European ancestry is way harder to trace online than Western.)

I grew up with certain traditions --colcannon and Irish soda bread every year on March 17, I got my first claddagh ring when I was like 10, my aunt made a pilgrimage to our ancestral home of County Cork, my brother has the Irish flag tattooed on his arm! -- and even though I'm not quite as Irish as I originally thought, I can't let those traditions go. I feel unlucky if I take off my claddagh (I wear one as a necklace now instead of a ring) for even a second. My mom still quotes Irish sayings that were passed down from her father. And I'm still celebrating the heck out of St. Patrick's Day each year! :)

shirt - threadless | skirt - topshop

shoes - bait footwear | collar - amazon

happy pi day!

It's one of my favorite days of the year - Pi Day! I'm going to celebrate by playing Yippi! and trying to make a vegan version of apple pie (I haven't attempted dairy-free crust yet so I hope it works out!) I'm also wearing one of my cutie pi pins, of course, and some items from Retrolicious' math themed line! They asked me to model some of the designs for their website and (as of the time I'm writing this -- it might change by the time I hit publish --) my images are on the homepage! That might make this my favorite Pi Day ever! :D

Also be sure to check out my mom's recipe for apple pie and my Pi Day playlist!

skirt - c/o retrolicious | top - c/o retrolicious | sweater - amazon

shoes - bait footwear | cutie pi pin - my shop

black and white and mint all over

One month from today I'll be in Disney World! I can't even put into words how much I'm looking forward to this trip. I feel like the past 18 months have just been one thing after another and I haven't had a *real* vacation since me and my mom went to Paris in 2017. I just want to totally disconnect from the world and immerse myself in Disney delights. I had to cancel my summer trip to France ($$ problems, what else) so this is probably going to be my last holiday for a while and I want to savor the heck out of it. I want to try to take more video footage this time so I can watch it when I get home and relive the vacation. Photos just don't have that same "take me back!" immersive feeling that home movies do, you know?

dress - asos | shoes - bait footwear

ribbons and bows

The hair bow is back! I used to love wearing my hair this way like (I was going to say a couple years ago and then I realized it's more like SEVERAL years ago??? Time is going too fast!!) six or seven years ago. It's the style I wore in my old license picture and I'm pretty sure it's the style I'm going to wear when I get it renewed in November. Yay for extensions and for having kind-of-long hair so I can do things like this with it again!!

It's so funny though, when I was editing this photo I had a flashback to a comment I got in 2011 that stuck in my head all these years. It said "for the love of god can you get another hair bow? another color? some variety? repetition is a form of torture." Obviously I got way too many comments like that one (usually much worse) and it's why this has sadly been a comment-free blog since 2014. That comment never actually got under my skin the way a lot of comments did, but I just remember being so bewildered by this person who was clearly so tormented by my hair accessories?! Like, just stop reading my blog then? lol! Anyway. I'm sure that reader left a long time ago (probably after they left that last exasperated comment) but I almost feel a defiant pride in bringing back the hair bow. Torturous repetition, be damned.

dress - modcloth (old) | sweater - amazon

shoes - bait footwear | brooch - stoic & pariah

what's it all about

I just rewatched Alfie yesterday (the Jude Law version) and honestly it's such a sad story but I enjoy it so much. It's the first movie I ever saw by myself in a theater. I was 17 and I was so nervous about going alone, but I can remember how excited I was when I finally got settled in my seat and the lights dimmed and it was just me and Jude Law breaking the 4th wall and speaking directly at the audience. He might be the only person that I've ever made eye contact with without reflexively, awkwardly looking away (that's either very funny or very pathetic or maybe both, ha!)

If you want to feel like Jude Law is talking to you, I highly recommend this movie. It's definitely not the best film ever made and Jude Law's character is actually a first class heel, but he's such a pretty first class heel! I went a little crazy making gifs from the movie yesterday (because I am a 32 year old teenager apparently) and you can check them out on my giphy page here.

shirt - forever 21 (old) | sweater - amazon

shoes - bait footwear | skirt - lazy oaf (old)